Something a little different. PS I love all my best friends.

Let's get serious

Okay Bend and Snappers. The time has come for our first serious blog post. As always, this is Tin reporting to you live from my oh so cozy bed, where I am joined by Bentley. Anyways, the topic of which I am burning to tell you is one of nostalgia. As a recent high school graduate, and a soon to be college freshman (Clemson, in case you didn't know) I know quite a lot about feeling nostalgic. Currently, in a vain attempt to alleviate this sensation, I am bingewatching all of our Vlogs. And no, this is not a self-promotion time (though our epic youtube channel is LegallyVlog just for all you die hard fans), but obviously since what LV does is Vlogs, our channel is rife with memories. And it's just so crazy that all of these experiences were in the present tense at one point of my life, and now they're just videos. Posted days and weeks and months later.

Basically, I am really stressed out and almost depressed about the impending future which is consuming all of my life at the present. It's really weird, guys. I'm super mega wicked stoked for college, I really am. And maybe it's just my anxiety talking, but at critical points of your life, points which revolve solely around change, you have to have constancy and consistency. Neither of which I currently have. Since Claudia's departure, I have only met with one friend. And me and Morgan, though we have met up twice now and we have exciting plans coming up, met a month and some days after graduation. Which begs the question, where the eff are my friends? The answer, my dear ones, is that I quite simply don't have as many friends as I thought. Or I just don't value them as much as I thought. I have plenty of supposed friends and I still care for all of them, I just don't have the motivation to connect with them. If they instigated, I would gladly hang with them. I'm just not one to make the first move.
This presents a very frightening, though predictable, problem for college. I have to put forth effort to make friends. Which in theory is fine. I just didn't realize how much effort I would have to put into friendships that had already been established. I miss my friends. I miss being able to talk to Claudia and Looney, and now it's like when we do talk it is only about our YT channel. So now my most important friendships revolve around "work". It'll get better, I'm sure it will. Only if we make an effort.
Random, quasi self-pitying, side note here: I've always been the, I guess, least favorite of my friends haha. For instance, I introduced Claudia and Looney. Well, re-introduced. And it's blazingly obvious that they prefer each other's company to that of myself. Which is totally fine guys. I get that certain people connect better than others. But it does point out a pattern of self-destruction I have.
And I am sounding completely melodramatic and cynical but I'm just rambling and I like that I'm able to do this. So, obviously I am the reason why I am no one's favorite. I'm very good at self-diagnosis (ask my shrink if you don't believe me lolz) so I am quite sure it is due to my former negative ways and my introverted tendencies. And this whatever stigma I have that prevents me from *being* a best friend is actually bothering me now. I'm not going to be able to see my best friends, because of college and such. And I'm going to have to make friends as I previously stated. And frick yeah I want to make best friends and be a best friend and make more meaningful and impacting friendships than those in high school. So how do I fix whatever it is that wards my current friends off?
   I'm not sure. And I guess I would ask a friend for advice but....
  So my point in all this dribble is that I'm depressed and anxious and lonely and scared and excited and hopeful. And I just really want to be a best friend. (Cue sad faced emojis (except I'm never emotionally invested in things. For instance right now, now that I've said all these things I am done with the feelings))
  Thanks for putting up with my narcissistic tirade! I don't know if I will continue using my blog time for actual blogging purposes, simply because it's so cliche, but this was a fun exercise! My next blog post is going to be a special OOTW post, and makeup reviews and pretty pretty pictures will probably follow.
   Peace up, A town down -Tin